


His first, his last, his everything

by Admiral_Smoker



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Brainwashed Loki, Falling In Love, FrostIron - Freeform, Hurt Tony Stark, M/M, Pre-Iron Man 1
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-01-01
Updated: 2016-04-17
Packaged: 2018-03-04 17:58:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,955
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3077978
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Admiral_Smoker/pseuds/Admiral_Smoker
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony never said anything to the other Avengers, but his meeting with Loki in Stark Tower wasn’t his first. He encountered the god one day a few years ago when Loki accidentally landed on earth. He seeks Tony’s help to find a way to go back to Asgard. </p><p>Actually Tony saw a whole other side of Loki and it hurts him a little when they meet again and Loki doesn’t seem to remember a thing about their previous encounter(s).  So Tony pretends he doesn’t know Loki either just to find out later that the god really can’t remember him at all because of what the Tesseract did to him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> If you find any grammar mistakes please let me know! ^^

‘I have never been to a more boring party.’ Tony thought to himself as he made his way through the dancing crowd to the bar. To bear this event he needed drinks. Lots of them. His assistant decided it would be nice if he attended this masquerade ball and gathered the favour of some new investors. How Tony hated to do that! He had never been one to kiss some ass. At least not get money out of them. Smiling at this inner joke he accidentally hit someone with his shoulder as he pushed through the crowd. He apologized and sighed with relieve when he finally reached his goal. “One martini, please!” he told the barkeeper who only nodded and poured him his drink. Tony watched him doing it for a split second, then turned around and scanned the room for his next target. Just someone for the night to forget this stupid party. In the morning his assistant would take them out like always. Just as his eyes landed on one hot blonde the barkeeper reminded him of his drink. Tony smiled as he took it and turned back to face the room again. He lifted the glass to his lips and took a sip as his eyes settled on the blonde girl again. She was dancing with another girl and Tony was just beginning to picture the three of them in his bed when his gaze wandered around for a brief second. He didn’t know what exactly caught his eye but ultimately it must have been that blazing green eyes which scanned the crowd just like Tony had done a few seconds ago.

 

He stood out just because he wore something you would see in a 19th century movie. It was like a costume but oddly enough it suited that guy. Just like he came from another time.

 

Tony realized he had been staring at the guy for several minutes when he stared back and lifted an eyebrow as if to say ‘Why are you staring at me?’

 

Tony didn’t know how to react so he did what he could do best and smiled lifting his glass and greeting the stranger. His greeting was only returned with a huff. The guy turned away and left the spot he was standing on merging into the crowd so Tony lost sight of him. Shrugging he emptied the glass and ordered some more. With that he made his way through the dancing people until he reached one of the balconies where he enjoyed the fresh air.

 

He didn’t know how long he stood there thinking but when he turned to go back inside he spotted a figure standing beside the door. Tony almost jumped and let out a little shriek.

 

“Jesus Christ! Couldn’t you have at least said something?”, he rose his voice.

 

The figure chuckled and went over to the light. Tony rose an eyebrow and said, “You.” In front of him stood the guy from back inside. The guy with the amazing green eyes. Tony just couldn’t make out why he should have followed him. Or maybe he didn’t and Tony was just paranoid. Maybe it was just a coincidence, that’s why he moved to the door to get inside.

 

“Well, I’d like to get myself a drink if you would be so kind?”

 

But the black haired guy just continued staring at him what creeped Tony out by now. He moved out of the way eventually so Tony could get past him.

 

‘Creepy guy.’ Tony thought to himself but got to the bar to let himself be served a vodka. He needed something strong. Normally he wouldn’t mind situations like that but there was something about that guy that made Tony uneasy. Just as he downed the first glass he felt a hand on his shoulder. Tensing he slightly turned but was greeted with the sight of a beautiful blonde. He exhaled and turned his body fully to her.

 

“Hello there gorgeous!” She smiled and leaned closer before her hand wandered to Tony’s chest.

 

“Good evening, Mr. Stark.” Tony’s smile widened.

 

“Who told you that? You aren’t supposed to know that.” The blonde just leaned so close that her lips almost touched Tony’s.

 

“A man like you can’t hide behind a mask, Mr. Stark. Everyone gets the vibe of your presence as soon as you enter a room.” Tony didn’t know if he liked where this was going.

 

He wanted to have a nice little party without the pressure of being Tony Stark. Of being the party animal everyone knew. Well he was one and he liked it but sometimes it gathered the wrong people around him. Just like this girl. She might be good enough for a one night stand but other than that Tony knew right now he held no interest in her. When he looked around once more he spotted the black-haired guy with the green eyes again. He might be fooled by his eyes but was that guy smiling at him as soon as he laid eyes on him?

 

“Mr. Stark!” the blonde tried to draw his attention to her again. “Do you like to dance with me?”

 

Tony nodded absent-mindedly and was dragged to the dance floor, where he lost sight of the guy again. So he let his gaze wander to the girl again. As soon as he forgot about the guy he felt a slight tap on his shoulder.

 

“May I?” a British accented voice asked silkily. Tony let go of the girl to let her be taken over with a “sure” just to be whirled around by the guy who took his hand and laid the other on his back. Tony blinked sheepishly a few times before he realized that it was HIM the guy wanted to dance with. Huh. That was unexpected. But he let it go by for now. That was nothing he should be ashamed of.

 

Tony wasn’t aware of everyone watching them as the guy whirled them over the dance floor. He was too occupied to study these beautiful green eyes which seemed to know everything about everything. It was a bit creepy how intense his stare was. Just like he wanted to see right through him and at this rate Tony thought maybe he could. Anywhere in the back of his mind he heard the blonde let out a frustrated “Hey! I was dancing with him!” Both Tony and the black-haired guy ignored her.

He felt the hand of his partner lower a bit as soon as he relaxed into the touch and became more comfortable with dancing with another man. He couldn’t say he disliked it. It was just somewhat unfamiliar. Just as he took his eyes off the guy’s to look around them he became aware of people whispering to one another. Some of them seemed entertained some disgusted. But he was Tony Stark and he didn’t give a shit about it.

 

“You know, if you wanted to remain anonymous this is definitely the wrong way to achieve it.” He smiled at the stranger and got a flashing wide smirk in return.

 

“Why? Because I favoured the dashing prince over the princess?” Tony snickered.

 

“Who do you call a dashing prince?”

 

“You” came the immediate response which took Tony by surprise. And he was lost for words for the first time in forever.

 

“Straight forward, aren’t we? I like that.” he admitted. Tony let himself be moved across the dance floor by the taller guy and ignored all the staring until nobody looked at them anymore because they didn’t make a fuss about it themselves.

 

Tony looked at the guy who still looked at him with his intense green eyes. These eyes that looked a little bit mischievous though. Tony couldn’t put a finger on it but he thought maybe that guy picked him not only out of pure attraction. He wondered if the guy maybe knew who he was despite his brilliant masquerade.

 

“What is the name of my handsome hero by the way?” he asked then.

 

“Loki” the black-haired guy answered. At that moment Tony really thought he must be joking as this was a masked ball and all. And he didn’t believe that it was his real name.

 

“Nice name.” The guy – Loki – actually smiled at that, but didn’t ask his name. For now Tony was glad. Maybe Loki already knew who he was, but if not it was nice that someone didn’t judge him by his name for once.

 

Tony just realized that the music stopped when Loki spun them around once more before letting go of Tony’s hand after a brief and polite bow. Like he was some mistress. Tony usually wasn’t someone to feel awkward but right now this felt utterly wrong.

 

When Tony tried to talk him into having a drink or two with him Loki shook his head and said he didn’t need any and had to go anyway. Tony must have looked really disappointed to hear that because Loki took his hand and planted a soft kiss on it.

 

“Don’t be sad. I’m sure we’ll meet again someday.”

 

Tony didn’t know why he was at a loss for words all of a sudden, but he let Loki go and just followed him with his eyes.

 

Good thing, he thought, that everyone here was invited so he had  a chance to find out who that guy was. But that could wait until later. For now he just got himself another drink and wasted some more thoughts on that strange situation he got himself into. Why didn’t he feel disgusted? Usually he didn’t do guys and the thought alone made him shiver time and time again. But Loki was different. He had an aura about himself that was quite mysterious if Tony had to find a word to describe it. Yes, that guy was mysterious, but in a dark and dangerous kind of way. His gut feeling told him to stay the hell away from him. He shouldn’t be anywhere near him because he meant trouble. But Tony had never been anyone to trust his better judgement. To distract himself from any more thoughts going in Loki’s direction, he chose another girl to dance with. The blonde from before seemed to have vanished, too.

 

A few hours later when Tony was leaving the party with a pretty brunette by his side he thought to detect a movement out of the corner of his eye. But that could also just have been his imagination. He shouldn’t get paranoid just because Loki said they might be going to meet again. At least that guy wasn’t threatening him when he said it. And come on: How likely was it that Loki waited in the shadows to get another chance of meeting Tony? He had his chance at the party. So Tony got behind the wheel of his car and started the engine. Tonight he was trying his best to forget anything at all about his meeting with Loki.

 

He didn’t know it yet but he was going to fail miserably.

 

~ to be continued


	2. Chapter 1

Ch 1

In the end, Tony never found out who that Loki guy was. He searched through the security cam footage but couldn’t find out who he came with or when he arrived. He was just sud-denly there. Like a ghost.

So Tony didn’t expect to see him ever again although deep in the back of his mind he hoped for it. A few weeks passed since the masked ball and Tony was just attending a benefit event when he saw him across the room dressed in a tuxedo. His hairstyle was the same as the last time and what he would recognize every time where those damn beautiful green eyes. While he thought Loki hadn’t seen him yet, he studied that guy a bit more. Even without the mask he was astonishingly handsome. Tony couldn’t help but just stare. The way he talked, the way he drank from his glass, the way he smiled. God, what would he do if the smile was… Stop! Tony told himself. Was he just going to think about how he loved the thought that Loki’s attention might be aimed at him alone? That was ridiculous! Why would he wish for such a thing? Tony sighed, then ordered two glasses of Scotch. He didn’t know who Loki was talking to but it was time to get his attention. Before he left the party again without saying a proper goodbye.

Tony had to avert some gazes to pass the crowd without being talked to by others. He failed once but luckily Loki didn’t move. When he reached him and the old lady he was talking to he put on his best charming behaviour to sweet-talk Loki out of her claws. Clearly she didn’t like him being dragged away from her but when he was alone with Loki, he mouthed a silent ‘Thank you’. Tony put his free hand on Loki’s elbow and guided him to a more secluded area to talk to him in private. Loki seemed to not mind that at all so Tony was pretty confident he got his proper goodbye this time. Hopefully. And maybe that guy’s number and full name.

They reached a table with two chairs on each side but when Loki sat down Tony dragged his chair to his side. Too close maybe but why would he care?

“So Loki. Nice to meet you here again. What were you up to these past few weeks?” Tony asked then like he didn’t care but truth was he was waiting for his answer like he needed it.

“Well, Mr Stark, I’m not sure how that is any of your business but let’s say I tried to find a way back home. But didn’t succeed obviously. And now I think I might need the help of some Midgardian scientist.” 

Tony smiled at first when Loki began talking but with every word he didn’t understand that smile faded until he looked at Loki like he was nuts. 

“Midgardian?” he finally managed to ask. “Way home? Where do you live? I guess there might be busses, trains, ships or airplanes that can take you there.”

Loki laughed at that.

“I don’t think so, Mr Stark. My home cannot be reached by your technical standards. I need something more … magical.”

As Loki said the word ‘magical’ he looked at Tony cautiously. And he was not disappointed when he saw that dumbstruck look on Tony’s face. Tony who just thought he always got the lunatic ones reached over to his glass of Scotch and downed it in seconds. He needed to find a way out of here immediately. That guy was bad news he knew it from the start. Why did he have to look so goddamn hot? Loki laid his head to one side and studied Tony’s face when the billionaire went silent for several minutes.

“I got word of you being a quite honourable scientist on Midgard. So I presume you might be suited for the task of finding me a way home. Would you do me the honor, Mr Stark?” Loki asked then and the way he so over-politely asked him made Tony’s decision to go and never look back vanish into thin air. Loki might sound like a lunatic but he didn’t look like one. Tony stared at him for a few more moments and tried to see through that polite mask to find the crazy guy behind it. But he failed. 

“Honestly I don’t have a clue what you’re talking about. Magic? Never heard about that be-ing real. And what do you keep on calling Midgard?” 

Loki chuckled and raised a hand. 

“Midgard is the name this planet is called by my people. And for magic not being real…” 

Loki did a flick of his hand and suddenly there were snakes coming out of their glasses. Tony literally jumped at that and stumbled backwards over his fallen chair as he saw the green light pouring from Loki’s hand. And then there were some fucking SNAKES crawling around the table.

“WHAT THE FUCK?” he exclaimed and as everyone else turned their heads the snakes were already gone so Tony coughed and sat back down warily. 

“What was THAT?” he whispered to Loki who was just trying to hold back his laughter. 

“You Midgardians never fail to amaze me. That, my friend, is called wielding magic.” 

Tony raised an eyebrow. 

“You don’t say.” He answered and Loki just burst out laughing again. Now Tony couldn’t hold back his own laughter anymore. They both had tears in their eyes when their laughter sub-sided. Tony now leaned on the back of Loki’s chair and smiled with a goofy expression on his face at the other. 

“So… what do you expect me to do to help you? I mean I can’t do those magic tricks like you can. How should I support you?”

Loki returned the smile but then looked down at his fingers. 

“I don’t know myself either. I didn’t come here out of my own will. I mean I travelled out of free will but I never intended to land on Midgard. It was an accident but as more time passes that I spend here, I come to think that it might not be the worst outcome.”

With that he stared right into Tony’s eyes what sent a shiver down his spine. 

“So you’re saying you like being here?”

Loki nodded.

“Especially meeting you made my decision to leave immediately falter.”

As the words left Loki’s mouth Tony stiffened.

“Meeting me? But we only danced once!”

Loki only shrugged at that.

“So?”

Tony smiled at him. 

“You have a good taste I must say. But what keeps you thinking I might return your interest?”

Tony knew he was flirting and that this might end up badly when he realized he didn’t like touching men after all. But right now he couldn’t stop teasing him.

“Well, the way you look at me can’t be mistaken, Mr Stark. I have many years of experience and every time I got THAT look, me and my partner ended up being intimate.”

He laughed at Tony’s puzzled face. 

“Many years of experience? How old are you by the way? 50? You can’t possibly…”

Loki stopped his rambling with a finger to his lips. 

“Please, Mr Stark. You could just admit that I am right so I can do this.”

With that said Loki’s gaze wandered to Tony’s lips and back again to his eyes before he leaned towards him and placed a soft kiss to Tony’s lips.

As soon as they made contact Tony felt a shudder run through him. He closed his eyes by instinct and let the sweet, innocent and much too short kiss happen. When Loki broke it, he thought he saw some light red on his cheeks, but that might also be the alcohol’s fault.

Tony stared at Loki for a little while before he cleared his throat and said, “Well, that was unexpected. But thank you.” He grinned and then placed a hand on Loki’s back. “I wouldn’t mind you doing that more often.” He whispered to Loki’s ear just before some other guests joined them in that area. 

“Meet me in 5 on the balcony. I get us something to drink first.” 

He gestured with his head to the dark balcony outside and Loki nodded. When Tony left him and looked back once more he could have sworn he saw Loki inhaling air into his lungs sharply.

Tony didn’t make it back in 5 as he promised because he was detained by some investors who wanted to talk about his latest projects. So it was no surprise that Loki was gone when he stepped on the balcony. Disappointment settled in rather quickly, but Tony tried not to let it affect his mood too much. Just as he wanted to turn and leave to get wasted he saw a movement in the garden beneath him. A movement and green light. He didn’t think twice but left to head to the garden. When he reached the place where he thought he might have seen something he found Loki sitting on a bench absent-mindedly playing with his magic. 

“There you are.” Tony said carefully to avoid startling Loki. The magic wielder looked up in surprise as he heard Tony’s voice and smiled at him. 

“I thought you had left me.” He admitted standing up.

But Tony only shook his head before he set down the bottle of champagne and the two glasses he got for them. 

“I would rather not.”

He smiled and stepped closer to Loki just as he took Tony’s hand and placed a kiss on it. Tony was not surprised at that anymore and when Loki gave him that somewhat sad smile, Tony was lost. He put a hand on Loki’s cheek and leaned in to kiss that sadness away. He had to pull Loki’s head down a bit but he was lucky that Loki followed his lead. This time though the kiss they shared wasn’t innocent at all and Tony made clear by using his tongue that he wouldn’t stop. His hands found their way to Loki’s back and his neck to play with those black strands of hair. Loki put one hand on Tony’s hips and let the other wander a bit but mostly he let Tony get comfortable with kissing and touching him and didn’t push it. Tony was grateful but he knew there was nothing that would keep him away from Loki that night. Out of breath he broke the kiss shortly after only to grab the champagne and Loki’s hand and drag him to his car. He let Happy take them home by saying he had to discuss something with Mr … “Odinson” That’s when he learned Loki’s last name. But he couldn’t care less at that moment. During their ride back he only held Loki’s hand what might have been the most intimate gesture he ever had with someone he didn’t know that well. He liked how that guy’s cool hand eased his heated body temperature. 

As soon as the door to Tony’s apartment closed behind them, there was a short moment of hesitation of what to do next. But then Tony decided to open the champagne bottle and show Loki around. He would have liked to shove him against a wall right then and there but although Loki’s eyes glowed with anticipation of doing exact that, Tony kept his hands to himself. He wanted to savour this moment a little longer. If he helped him going back home he wouldn’t see him anymore. And that thought made his heart sink heavy in his chest.

Loki followed him with a glass in his hand, but Tony noticed that he didn’t drink anything. Maybe he was the only one who needed a drink to help himself to liquid courage. Just before they reached the bedroom though, Loki made Tony stop and took the glass out of his hand.

“I think I should better go now. As much as I’d like to see where this is going I guess it’s bet-ter I stay away from you as long as we aren’t working on that project.” 

Tony didn’t know what to respond to that. Instead he just pulled Loki in for a kiss that made him moan deeply in his throat. “You don’t have to go anywhere if you don’t want to.”

Loki grinned and placed a hand on Tony’s stomach. 

“We shouldn’t rush it. That makes things only more complicated, don’t you think?”

Tony nodded, but he wasn’t convinced. Instead he took his glass again and emptied it in one go. 

“Ok, I can’t hold you back, but promise to come back soon.”

Loki smiled approvingly and leaned in to give Tony one more kiss. 

“I will.” That said a green glow surrounded Loki and in a blink of an eye he was gone and Tony alone again with his thoughts. He shrugged and headed to his workshop. He realized that he knew nearly nothing about Loki and where he wanted to go so he had to wait for him and the information how to help him anyway. In the meantime it wouldn’t hurt to focus on some of his other projects.

Loki didn’t go far though. He stayed invisible in Tony’s apartment and watched him work. It was fascinating for him to see that brilliant mind create new inventions. He knew that Tony was the right person to help with his problem. And he told himself he only wanted to make sure that Tony had no ulterior motive as he assisted him. There was no way he stayed be-cause he simply liked watching Tony’s every movement.

~ to be continued


	3. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so very sorry it took me so long. Real life took over my creativity.   
> But now I hope I can continue this little story without having you wait for so long again!
> 
> If there is anything amiss, please don't hesitate to tell me. Still new to writing in English. XD

When Tony was visited by Loki for the next time he had so many questions regarding where Loki came from and what it looked like because he read so many books that Loki could only shake his head and smile at his eagerness. He was surprised though that Tony didn’t seem to be bothered by the fact that Loki was a god.  
He sat down on the couch Tony offered him with a smooth movement and faced Tony who sat across from him. 

“Well, I don’t think you necessarily need to know what it looks like to help me with my problem, do you? So excuse me when I don’t want to talk about it right now. Maybe that’s a story for another time. What interests me most is if you have thought about something at all or only read fictional stories about my life?”

Tony grinned apologetically and shrugged. 

“I tried. But you know I am not actually that much into space travel. I don’t have a clue how that should work.” Loki sighed and got to his feet again. 

“I should have known,” he said with something resembling a sad smile. “Then I must take my leave. I’m sorry I have taken so much of your valuable time.” 

Tony blinked and got up as well. “Wait! What? You wouldn’t even let me try?” Loki sighed again. This time a little bit frustrated and shook his head. “Why should I? You just said it yourself: You don’t know how it works. And I don’t have that much time to wait for you figuring it out. Maybe I am faster by myself.” Tony grunted. “Well, or you could help me understand instead of just walking out on me and telling me I’m not worthy.” 

He grinned a bit as Loki frowned and seemed to take it into serious consideration. 

“You wouldn’t even know where to start, would you?” Tony shrugged. “You could tell me what brought you here. Basically I’m a technician. So I don’t have that much experience with astronomy. I need you to give me as much information as you can share with me.” 

Loki stared a little while longer at Tony before he nodded and sat back on the couch. “Well then, let’s get started. Jarvis, record.”

_________________________

It took Tony quite some time to generate something similar to a worm hole and he knew there was something missing to generate a portal to another world. He was glad that Loki didn’t ask him for a time travel machine.

A month passed and both Loki and Tony were a bit stressed out because it didn’t work. So one Sunday evening Tony decided to take a break, making Loki frown at him.  
“What are you doing?” he asked but Tony only got his car keys and turned them around his fingers. “We take a break. Now. Come with me for a ride!” He smiled at Loki and took the other’s hand just to drag him along. “JARVIS, shut down the workshop for today!” The AI complied without hesitation and Loki saw the lights going out behind them as soon as they left the garage. He didn’t know where Tony would take him but it seemed as if they weren’t coming back today to continue working on Loki’s problem.

Tony drove them through the dark and to the highway. Loki lost count on the time when they finally stopped at a sightseeing spot above the city of Los Angeles so they could watch the stars and the lights of the city from up here. Loki wasn’t sure why Tony brought him here of all places. What did he want to do here?

His silent question was answered partially as Tony left the car and sat on the hood. He waited for Loki to join him before he laid back and crossed his arms behind the back of his head. Loki stood beside the car and raised an eyebrow at the sight Tony gave him. “What are you doing there?” he asked and Tony grinned. “Relaxing. You should do that, too.” Loki growled low in his throat, but sat on the hood as well. “And you should really go to work. I need to go back, soon.” “Why?”, Tony asked and Loki looked at him irritated. “Why you ask? Isn’t that obvious? I don’t belong here and there is no one who cares for me being here or not anyway." Tony glanced at Loki and answered, “I do.” Dumbstruck, Loki shut up for a second before he cleared his throat. He didn’t know what to answer, so he just stared ahead into the darkness.

Tony chuckled lightly and watched the stars above them. As Loki realized that he followed his gaze he spoke up, “You know, actually you can see my home from down here.” Tony turned his head towards Loki. “Really? Which one is it?” he asked and got closer to Loki to follow the direction of his finger just as Loki showed him. “Do you see that shiny star over there? It’s is right beside that on the left.” Loki cleared his throat again when Tony got so close he could smell his hair and the machine oil, he got all over him. “That’s pretty far. No wonder you need a portal to go there.” Loki nodded. “But I really can’t guarantee you one I fear. Why don’t you use the same way back you came here?” Loki shrugged. “I don’t exactly know how I got here because you know actually I didn’t want to come here in the first place.” Tony smiled. “I am glad you did.” What followed could only be described as an uncomfortable silence. Both of them didn’t know what to say. But both of them felt the tension in the air. They sat there a while longer until Tony’s stomach began to rumble. He looked over to Loki and asked, “Care to join me for dinner?” Loki nodded and slipped off the hood. They drove to a fancy restaurant, in which Loki felt slightly underdressed. Tony told him it was ok because he himself got his dirty working clothes on. So he ordered a private room for them. Tony smiled when Loki took a seat across from him. He couldn’t help it. In that last few weeks he got to know that guy a little better and although he didn’t really know that much about him, he grew fond of him. And it hurt a little bit more to imagine him gone every time he thought about it.

They were interrupted by a waitress bringing them the menu, and asking if they wanted anything to drink already. Tony ordered the most expensive wine on the list and winked at Loki as soon as the waitress was gone. “Nothing’s too expensive for a god like you.” Loki smiled at that but hid behind his menu just seconds after that compliment. That put Tony in a slightly awkward position. Did he say something wrong? He couldn’t be mistaken of Loki’s affection towards himself. Because they kissed. They didn’t do it for a long while now, but Tony didn’t think it was because Loki regretted what they did. He had enough experience with longing looks that he recognized one when sent across the room to him. And Loki did that quite a lot actually when he thought no one saw. But he must have forgotten about Tony’s observant AI who caught even the tiniest glimpse on camera.

Tony sighed when Loki pretended to study the menu for five more minutes after Tony had read it twice himself and decided on a dish. “Do you need help with something?”, he asked politely. Loki finally put the menu down and his eyes met Tony’s. “I’m not very well accustomed to Midgardian food, maybe you could choose something for me?” Tony nodded and when the waitress came he ordered the most expensive dish for Loki, but not knowing what it was and a cheeseburger with fries for himself. He laughed at Loki’s puzzled face. “But… Ton…. Mr. Stark! You couldn’t just…” Tony stopped him rambling by grabbing his hand and squeezing it. “It’s alright. Just let me spoil you a little bit. It doesn’t hurt. And by the way: You can keep calling me Tony, because I’m calling you by your first name anyway.”

Loki swallowed his pride at that and nodded. Well, once in a while he could let Tony get his way. "Fine. Tony then." The inventor nodded and smiled. But although Loki voiced his concern that Tony just ate a cheeseburger, he enjoyed the meal afterwards with a pleased smile. Tony couldn't hide his own satisfaction at that. And it was his chance to get to know the god just a little bit more. He asked him about his family, but aside from telling him he had parents and an older brother, Loki didn't offer much more information. His mood seemed to change a little bit at Tony's questions so the inventor decided to let it go and tell Loki of his own family instead. He told the god how his father was never satisfied with Tony's achievements and expected more of him although Tony did everything in his power to be a worthy heir to the Stark imperium. Loki fell silent but Tony could see in his eyes that he understood his feelings very well.

After their meal they headed back home and it was when the elevator doors closed behind them that Loki stepped in Tony's line of sight and put a hand on his cheek before gently kissing him. The billionaire never thought that he would miss that as much as he did when he felt Loki's lips against his after the past few weeks. He pulled him closer and managed to open his shirt, before Loki stepped back. Frustrated, Tony let out a loud huff. “Oh come on, Loki! Don't tell me, we shouldn't do this because you will leave soon. We should do it BECAUSE of that! I never wanted anyone more than you in my entire life!” he confessed and followed the god. But Loki, although smiling, held him back. “I can't. I would never be able to leave if I knew how it feels to be held by you.” Tony's eyes widened a bit at that, but at the same time a smile roamed his face. “Then don't. Stay. Here. With me.” Loki shook his head. “I can't. Please understand. I have to meet obligations. My brother will soon be crowned and I will be his advisor from then on.” Tony gaped at him. “What did you just say?” he managed to say after a few seconds. “Your brother will be CROWNED? Like in being a fucking KING? You're kidding me! That means you are a prince as well?” Loki watched Tony with some amusement for he only just realized this now. “Well, why of course.” Tony threw his head back with a loud laughter and put his hands on his head. He watched Loki with awe and didn't know what to say. He was speechless. He nearly slept with a prince from another world. He couldn't really wrap his mind around that although he didn't mind at all. It was just that... he was sure he didn't have the right to do that. Big brother wouldn't be pleased if he ever found out. “Wow” he managed to say at least.

Loki averted his gaze and studied the floor instead. “I mean, I’ve read all the legends, but… to hear it from you, it becomes real for the first time. So what do you want to do instead?”, he asked Loki. “I think I will take my leave for today”, he said and before Tony could raise an objection Loki vanished into thin air. “Oh I hate it, when he does that!”, Tony growled but headed for the shower. Even if Loki had left, his arousal was still there. And he had to do something about it.

 

A few days passed and Loki had obviously decided to play hide and seek with him. But Tony didn’t know where he could begin his search so it was mostly just hiding. The inventor wasn’t sure what he did wrong. Did he push Loki too far? But the god was over thousand years old. Surely he must have made some experiences during that time. But what if he had other reasons not so get too close to Tony? What would Tony do if he never saw him again? Could he live with that? 

Tony hurled himself into his work and tried not to think too much. He would miss Loki. Surely. He would miss his laugh and his wit and his company. And he would be sad that he couldn’t talk to him anymore. So maybe it was for the best that they didn’t sleep together. So Tony wouldn’t miss the feeling of Loki’s body, too.

It was one of those evenings he drowned his thoughts in scotch when he went to bed early that he woke during the night because something touched his face. When he opened his eyes, he saw Loki sitting at his bedside and stroking through his hair. He took his hand and placed a kiss to his palm, before he looked up to Loki once more. “Loki. What are you doing here? Where have you been?” But instead of answering his questions, Loki bent forward and kissed him hungrily like there was no tomorrow. Tony pulled him closer. If this was a dream he would damn sure make good use of it. Loki let go of Tony’s lips for a few seconds just to say something. “I can’t go without the knowledge what it feels like to be with you” he admitted and kissed Tony again. The inventor let his hands wander over Loki’s body and felt leather under his hands. Before he could wonder what Loki was wearing his clothes vanished and he climbed onto Tony just to straddle his legs. 

Tony let his eyes wander over Loki’s body and marveled at his beauty. “You are beautiful” was all he could say before Loki attacked his lips again and began to rip off Tony’s shirt and boxers. His hands were all over the inventor’s body and they both moaned when Tony began to jerk Loki off. Their kiss became more passionate when Loki began to stroke his member as well. Still being a little bit drunk Tony let Loki have his way with him most of the time. Later he thought maybe that also helped to relax his body because he didn’t feel any pain the morning after. Both men made the most of their night together thinking it might be their last. Tony had never had a lover like Loki. Someone as rough and at the same time gentle as the god. Loki knew he shouldn’t invest that much feelings in the relationship, but when they climaxed almost together he knew he was lost. He knew it for some time now that he had fallen helplessly in love with Tony but until now he had managed to suppress those feelings. At this moment though his heart nearly ripped open his chest. Only when Tony fell asleep Loki kissed him gently on his mouth and murmured, “I love you, Anthony Stark. And I will find a way to come back to you.” It was a promise. One that Tony wasn’t aware of and one even JARVIS didn’t record. 

The next days were mostly spent in bed because neither of them could find the motivation to do anything other than enjoying each other’s company. Tony never knew Loki could smile as much as he did in those few days. But opening up and showing his feelings freely must have turned a switch in the god. Tony couldn’t be more delighted about that. He liked this Loki. And he didn’t know that just five days after they first slept together, his world came crashing down and he was faced with the reality he had tried to ignore so vehemently.

The day began as any other with them passionately kissing after waking up and then sharing a hot shower together. Tony had to attend a meeting at Stark Industries so he had to leave the god alone for a few hours. Loki said he didn’t mind,but as soon as Tony left he sat down and began to write down what looked like a letter for someone who didn’t know better. What Tony didn’t know was that Loki had been visited by one of his father’s ravens during the last night. And he was told that today there would be a portal opened for him so he should prepare himself to leave if he didn’t want to stay on Midgard forever. Loki couldn’t sleep after that and he regretted not telling Tony deeply. But it would hurt both of them more if they had to say their goodbyes at the portal that Loki was sure of. So he wanted to rip the bandage off as fast as possible. He didn’t tell Tony he loved him and would find a way back to him. What false hope would that be if Loki needed a hundred years to accomplish that goal? Tony would be long gone by then. It took Loki a lot of willpower to even leave the letter there. What if he just disappeared? Wouldn’t that be better for the mortal? But wouldn’t Tony try to find him then? Loki sighed and left the letter on the kitchen counter together with the first present Tony ever got him: snake shaped cuff links. One he left with Tony the other he took with him. He said his goodbyes to JARVIS and then left the apartment. He couldn’t stand the thought of Tony coming home early and finding Loki still being there. So he headed for the place he was told the portal would appear later that day. He didn’t know exactly when but he couldn’t take a chance of missing it. People might call him selfish, but what was a mortal’s life compared to his own? He would outlive Tony sooner or later. So it would be best to forget him as long as his feelings weren’t that strong. But as soon as he stood at the bridge he knew that it was already too late. He loved Tony with all his heart and he knew he would regret his decision with every passing day. Though the decision has been made and he had other duties to attend to.

When Tony came home a few hours after Loki left and called out to the god it was JARVIS who told him of Loki’s absence and the letter he left behind. Panic took hold of his heart and he raced for the kitchen only to find one of the cuff links he gave Loki as a present. Even without reading the letter he knew that he would never see Loki again. Unless he could convince him to stay. “JARVIS, where is Loki now?”, he asked his AI, but JARVIS couldn’t find him. However he told him there was a striking change in the atmospheric energy levels around Vincent Thomas Bridge in Los Angeles. Tony didn’t think too long before he headed for his garage and his fastest car. “How long till I get there, JARV?”, he asked as he swung into the car and had JARVIS open the garage for him. “An hour by observing road traffic regulations, sir. About thirty minutes by using the car’s full speed.” Tony grinned. “Thirty minutes it is then.” He started the engine and drove the car outside heading for the highway as fast as he could. He had JARVIS regulating the traffic for him a bit and he knew authorities would sooner or later figure out it was him who did it, but he couldn’t care less. He needed to see Loki to convince him to stay here.

He already saw the portal before he even eyed Loki. The young god was standing on the bridge’s parapet and looking down, seemingly still considering if he should jump or not. Tony left his car about twenty meters away from Loki and shouted his name over the rain. As soon as the god heard Tony’s voice he lost his balance, slipped on the wet parapet and fell. Tony hurried to the point where he had last seen Loki stand and hoped the god wasn’t already gone. Panic overcame his voice when he saw Loki holding onto the bridge for dear life. “Why did you come?” he shouted at Tony and his sad face told Tony everything he needed to know. “Because I want you here with me! I’ll get help! Just…” “I can’t stay!” Loki shouted again and tears started running down his cheeks. But Tony wouldn’t have any of that. 

“Shut up, Loki! I got you. Relax. I got you. Just look at me. I can't reach any further, but you can stay there, right? I gotta find a way to help you, so don't let go! I'll help you, I promise!” But before Tony could even think further about how to get Loki back, the god smiled sadly at him. “I need to go!” Tears continued spilling from his eyes. When he finally let go, Tony might have seen him mouth something similar to “I love you”, but he couldn't be sure because Loki disappeared in a flash of light that suddenly soaked him up, before he reached the surface of the water. 

„LOKI!“ Tony screamed after him, but it didn't matter. Loki was gone. And as Tony slumped back on the ground he realized that he would never see him again. As soon as that realization hit him, another came to his mind, „I love him“, he told the wind and the rain which intermingled with his own tears. He sat there for a long while just laughing because of is stupidity and crying his pain out, before he got to his feet and went home. He got wasted in a matter of a few hours and kept thinking about Loki and the life they would never live. 

_________________________

Days became weeks and weeks became months, before Tony was able to face other human beings again. He had let himself go quite a bit, but when he finally resurfaced he decided he wouldn't let the pain of losing Loki take over control over his life anymore. He had had some wonderful weeks filled with laughter and great kisses with him, but now that the god was gone he had to keep on living. That was what Loki wanted after all. And who knew: Maybe they would meet again in the future?

~to be continued


End file.
